NaNoJouMo: Aimless in Seattle
Nov. 1st, 2011 09:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hymniaSo it's November, and as most of you probably know, November is a month that many people on LJ, DW, etc. focus on WRITING. Now, I am not an aspiring novelist, so I've never been tempted to do NaNoWriMo, but I do consider myself a writer of sorts, and I enjoy writing, especially on the occasion that I manage to write something really good (which does happen from time to time, believe it or not). So when I heard that this month has also been dubbed by some (who knows who started it?) as NaNoJouMo, or National Non-Stop Journaling Month, I thought—why not give it a try?
So I'm setting myself a goal of writing at least 500 words per day this month. Most of the time, I will probably go ahead and post my writing here on my journal(s), but I reserve the right to keep some of it private, if I choose.
I suppose the easiest way to start is to give a “real life” update, which I haven't done in quite a while. And it's been a pretty momentous while. In August my parents and I moved all the way across the country from Florida to Washington (north Seattle area). I left behind a job that I was very fond of—but admittedly getting a bit burned out at (or at least, I'd been there six years and had a sense that it was time for a change of scene). I also left behind some very, VERY dear friends and I church I've attended and been deeply involved with for most of the last 18 years.
Obviously, I miss those things, but I felt like a change was needed in my life. When my parents decided to move, following my brother and his family (read: the grandkids), I had a choice between one big change or another. Either I could decide to separate from my family and live apart from them—whether alone or with roommates) and keep my job and my social life in Florida, or I could stay with my family and strike out in a new place and look for a new job, and maybe even a new career. Both choices had potential challenges, and either way could have offered new opportunities for success, failure, character-building, etc.
I wish I could say with confidence that I made the right choice, but the truth is, I'm not sure. Maybe I'm being self-conscious, but I suspect a lot of people would think that the right choice for a 30-something woman would be to let her family go their own way, and stick to the career and social life she has established. Instead, I chose to stay with my family—at least for now—and try to strike out in a new city, and establish new routines and friendships and sources of income. And as some of you may remember from a previous post, part of my plan was to study Japanese while I am here with the long-term goal of eventually going to Japan. I still have that in mind, but it's become clear to me that it's going to be harder than I anticipated, and it could be a few more years before it happens. And that was a big part of my justification for choosing the way I did. So now there's this little voice in the back of my head that says, “What the heck are you really doing here, Joie?” Especially whenever I have to borrow more money from my parents. :/
Speaking of which....yeah. I just had no idea, ya'll. Every other time in my life I've been out of work, I applied for maybe 5-10 jobs, got one interview, and was hired on the spot. I had NO IDEA that it would be this hard to get a job right now. I mean, I read the news, and I knew unemployment was high, but it's different when you're living it, you know? I have made some progress, though. I have a part-time tutoring job lined up that starts in January, and I've managed to line up a couple of individual tutoring clients. So I'm not completely without income. It doesn't cover the bills yet, but I'm hopeful that it will soon, if I can get a few more tutoring clients and maybe another part-time gig. (I'm interviewing for another one tomorrow, which could be REALLY COOL. I'll post more details if I get the job.) I've also gone through almost all of the hoops for starting an online teacher prep program so I can get certified to teach in public schools.
But in the meantime, my sense of purpose is a bit murky. I'm sure there are some benefits to going through a time like this, a time to re-examine priorities and such. But...right now, it's a little daunting.
I should add the news we learned a couple weeks ago that my sister-in-law has colon cancer and is going to need life-changing surgery to treat it. She has a strong family history for this type of cancer, and has known for years that she was likely to get it, so it's not a total shock. It's also likely (although we still don't know for sure) that they caught it in plenty of time for a good outlook. Still. She is 30 years old, she's going to need at least two major surgeries, and she (probably) will soon confirm that she has a genetic condition that has a fairly high chance of affecting her siblings and her children as well.
Many friends of our family have said that it seems providential that my parents ended up moving here, because it puts them in a position to help her out at a time when she really needs it. And I am thankful for that. But...I'm not sure what my role here is. I mean, I help out with the kids sometimes, I suppose. But I don't know that I'm really needed. That's probably a silly and childish response. I don't know. I try to imagine how I would feel about it if I were in Florida still. I guess I'd be frustrated that I couldn't do anything for her or Mark or the kids. But...I'd be satisfied knowing my parents were there and they didn't really lack help.
I suppose there are a lot of things acting together—lack of a consistent job/income, few local friends so far, the doubt surrounding my desire to go to Japan, my uncertainty about what role I can play in helping my family in a difficult time (especially when it seems like I tend to take more than I give), and my perpetual, often unspoken, sorrow that I am still single and childless myself—that all add up to a feeling of being aimless and adrift.
My inner optimist is telling me that a time like this can be a great opportunity, that sometimes you need this kind of thing to shake you up and make you walk a new and better path. I want to believe that. But my inner pragmatist wants to know: How do I do that?
Joie
Manually X-Posted to Livejournal and Facebook.
So I'm setting myself a goal of writing at least 500 words per day this month. Most of the time, I will probably go ahead and post my writing here on my journal(s), but I reserve the right to keep some of it private, if I choose.
I suppose the easiest way to start is to give a “real life” update, which I haven't done in quite a while. And it's been a pretty momentous while. In August my parents and I moved all the way across the country from Florida to Washington (north Seattle area). I left behind a job that I was very fond of—but admittedly getting a bit burned out at (or at least, I'd been there six years and had a sense that it was time for a change of scene). I also left behind some very, VERY dear friends and I church I've attended and been deeply involved with for most of the last 18 years.
Obviously, I miss those things, but I felt like a change was needed in my life. When my parents decided to move, following my brother and his family (read: the grandkids), I had a choice between one big change or another. Either I could decide to separate from my family and live apart from them—whether alone or with roommates) and keep my job and my social life in Florida, or I could stay with my family and strike out in a new place and look for a new job, and maybe even a new career. Both choices had potential challenges, and either way could have offered new opportunities for success, failure, character-building, etc.
I wish I could say with confidence that I made the right choice, but the truth is, I'm not sure. Maybe I'm being self-conscious, but I suspect a lot of people would think that the right choice for a 30-something woman would be to let her family go their own way, and stick to the career and social life she has established. Instead, I chose to stay with my family—at least for now—and try to strike out in a new city, and establish new routines and friendships and sources of income. And as some of you may remember from a previous post, part of my plan was to study Japanese while I am here with the long-term goal of eventually going to Japan. I still have that in mind, but it's become clear to me that it's going to be harder than I anticipated, and it could be a few more years before it happens. And that was a big part of my justification for choosing the way I did. So now there's this little voice in the back of my head that says, “What the heck are you really doing here, Joie?” Especially whenever I have to borrow more money from my parents. :/
Speaking of which....yeah. I just had no idea, ya'll. Every other time in my life I've been out of work, I applied for maybe 5-10 jobs, got one interview, and was hired on the spot. I had NO IDEA that it would be this hard to get a job right now. I mean, I read the news, and I knew unemployment was high, but it's different when you're living it, you know? I have made some progress, though. I have a part-time tutoring job lined up that starts in January, and I've managed to line up a couple of individual tutoring clients. So I'm not completely without income. It doesn't cover the bills yet, but I'm hopeful that it will soon, if I can get a few more tutoring clients and maybe another part-time gig. (I'm interviewing for another one tomorrow, which could be REALLY COOL. I'll post more details if I get the job.) I've also gone through almost all of the hoops for starting an online teacher prep program so I can get certified to teach in public schools.
But in the meantime, my sense of purpose is a bit murky. I'm sure there are some benefits to going through a time like this, a time to re-examine priorities and such. But...right now, it's a little daunting.
I should add the news we learned a couple weeks ago that my sister-in-law has colon cancer and is going to need life-changing surgery to treat it. She has a strong family history for this type of cancer, and has known for years that she was likely to get it, so it's not a total shock. It's also likely (although we still don't know for sure) that they caught it in plenty of time for a good outlook. Still. She is 30 years old, she's going to need at least two major surgeries, and she (probably) will soon confirm that she has a genetic condition that has a fairly high chance of affecting her siblings and her children as well.
Many friends of our family have said that it seems providential that my parents ended up moving here, because it puts them in a position to help her out at a time when she really needs it. And I am thankful for that. But...I'm not sure what my role here is. I mean, I help out with the kids sometimes, I suppose. But I don't know that I'm really needed. That's probably a silly and childish response. I don't know. I try to imagine how I would feel about it if I were in Florida still. I guess I'd be frustrated that I couldn't do anything for her or Mark or the kids. But...I'd be satisfied knowing my parents were there and they didn't really lack help.
I suppose there are a lot of things acting together—lack of a consistent job/income, few local friends so far, the doubt surrounding my desire to go to Japan, my uncertainty about what role I can play in helping my family in a difficult time (especially when it seems like I tend to take more than I give), and my perpetual, often unspoken, sorrow that I am still single and childless myself—that all add up to a feeling of being aimless and adrift.
My inner optimist is telling me that a time like this can be a great opportunity, that sometimes you need this kind of thing to shake you up and make you walk a new and better path. I want to believe that. But my inner pragmatist wants to know: How do I do that?
Joie
Manually X-Posted to Livejournal and Facebook.
no subject
Date: 2011-11-02 01:43 pm (UTC)I kind of know what you mean there, so what's Seattle like this time of year *waggles eyebrows*
My inner optimist is telling me that a time like this can be a great opportunity, that sometimes you need this kind of thing to shake you up and make you walk a new and better path. I want to believe that. But my inner pragmatist wants to know: How do I do that?
Maybe by nor doing what you have done in the past, go down and help out the OWSers, they have one going on there too right?
no subject
Date: 2011-11-03 02:26 am (UTC)Yes, they do! I scoped it out a bit last Wed. b/c I had to be downtown anyway, but I've been sick with a really bad cough, so I didn't think it was a good idea to hang out long. But I've been thinking about going and joining in a bit when I'm well again.